Trying for a sibling

We have been trying for 4 months now to conceive a sibling for our little boy Justin. I have talked with him about this on multiple occasions. In my journal I have written to him explaining that no one will ever replace him and the love we have for him. He is and will always be our first born little boy. I will never forget the soft touch of his skin and the sweet button nose like his father's.

After losing Justin we thought about our family and when we should begin the journey towards parenthood again. Scared that another pregnancy might end in tragedy, we decided what is more important is that we love each other and want to be parents. We would try again when the time seems right. We thought maybe around August or September would be a good time to try.

Well if anyone knows me well enough, they will also know that I am a very impatient person. I want to be a mother and hold my child in my arms more than anything. I live for that feeling again. So we decided to start trying for another baby in May. After a few months of unsuccessful attempts, I began to worry that something may be wrong with my body. I also thought maybe it's just too soon for us. Maybe Justin isn't ready to share our attention.

I decided to purchase some ovulation kits to help me with my cycle. After I purchased these kits I went to the cemetery and sat down with Justin and reassured him that no matter what I am going to love him just as much as I do now...and I always will. I asked him if he could please send down his little sibling. I told him that he's had enough time to play with them and now it's Mommy and Daddy's turn to play. One day we will all play together again.

It is now August. The month we originally thought we would begin to try and conceive our second child. Justin's tree is proudly displayed in our front yard. I will be placing some of his trucks for him to play with here at home.

I used the ovulation kits. I realized that I have been ovulating later than I originally thought. Included with the ovulation kits were some home pregnancy tests. On Wednesday (I told you I was impatient), I took a test. It unfortunately came up negative. I continued with my day. Each morning I would take my temperature making sure that it was going up indicating a pregnancy. Thursday I began feeling sick. People around me were saying they didn't feel well either. I thought for sure I was getting a stomach bug.

Friday morning I decided to take another test. I peed in a cup, dipped the test in the urine and took a shower. As I opened the shower curtain I could only see one dark line (two lines indicate a pregnancy). I said to Justin "come on Justin, don't you want Mommy to be happy again." I stepped out of the shower and looked down at the test. One line is all I saw. I sighed and held the test up to my face. As I squinted I saw a shadow of another line.

"Could this be my eyes playing a cruel trick on me!" I thought. I called Jeff and told him that I thought I saw another line. He grew ecstatic over the phone. I decided to take another test before leaving for work. But of course I didn't have much urine left since I had just gone to the bathroom. So I dipped the test strip in the tiny bit of urine I had. I had to leave for work at this time, so I took the test with me in the car to read the results. Sure enough a second line came up!

I waited until Saturday to take a First Response Early Result test. Once again two lines came up. So we are happy to announce today we are exactly 4 weeks pregnant with baby #2.